Momming at Midnight

Lessons learned from rocking all night long.

It was the middle of the night when I jolted awake as I heard a cry through the monitor.

My sweet daughter was wide eyed, standing up, and clearly sad, so I got out of bed and headed upstairs to her room.

I picked her up out of her crib and sat in her rocking chair. Soon, she was back asleep. I waited a bit to make sure she was really out, and then I stood up and laid her back in her crib.

She immediately woke back up and started crying, so I again picked her up, sat back down in the chair, and rocked her back to sleep.

I waited a little longer to lay her down this time, and I felt more optimistic about my chances of success, but she woke up again.

We repeated this cycle over and over.

After about the fifth failed attempt, I was starting to feel more frustrated and impatient, knowing I was losing out on sleep, so I flopped back into the rocking chair with a sigh.

As soon as I was settled, the Holy Spirit said to me,

“This is worship.”

I mulled those words over in my mind for a few minutes, and I realized: Wow, God, you are so right.

Through the most broken, angry parts of ourselves or our hardest seasons of parenthood (and life, in general), we can still glorify God.

In fact, worshipping Him in the dark (literally or figuratively) is probably when we can glorify Him best.

We are choosing to say: Lord, despite my current circumstances or bitter heart, I know that you are good and faithful. I know that you are worth worshipping.

Job was a great example of this. He was stripped of everything he had - his wealth and possessions, his family, and his health. At first, he was incredibly angry and couldn’t understand why this would happen. Yet, despite his anger, he continued to recognize that God was in control and good. He wasn’t happy about it, but he could still appreciate God’s sovereignty over his unfortunate situation. Over time, God revealed truths about the adversity Job was facing that helped him to see that there was purpose in his pain. Ultimately, God did reward Job’s obedience and trust by restoring all he had lost.

I really don’t think God could ask much more of us than to bow down before Him in the middle of our suffering.

After having all these revelations, I felt so much calmer and content with just sitting in that sleepless moment and appreciating my chance to worship God right then and there.

As my frustration faded, I began to notice the weight and warmth of my daughter in my arms. I could hear her soft, slow breathes. She was so at peace and comfortable there.

It was then that I was flooded with the emotions of how privileged I am to be the safe space for tiny humans who never have to question if I’ll walk through their doors when they need me in the middle of the night.

I was reminded of a saying I come across from time to time: They aren’t a hard time; they are having a hard time.

The entire intention is to reframe how we think about our kids’ hard moments that test us as parents. Truthfully, they don’t want to be sad and awake at midnight either.

I think this is a fantastic example for how God looks at us as his children, which was the second lesson placed on my heart.

We all can be the baby who wakes up at night. We all sin and suffer.

Yet, God does not get frustrated with us. He does not ignore us when we are in need.

Instead, He sets aside His own needs to meet us where we are at, picks us up, and helps us find our way again, just like when we rock our babies back to sleep in the middle of the night.

Being awake when we should be sleeping isn’t convenient for anyone - and neither is sinning or suffering. But we can go against our human nature when we face tough moments and say: I’m going to choose to look through what is hard so that I can both glorify God who I know is still good and also exemplify what it is to be a selfless servant just like Him.

Needless to say, I rested in that chair for much longer than what I had initially planned, and the next time I went to lay my daughter in her crib, she stayed deeply asleep.

For the record, it was two and a half hours of sleep I’ll never get back. But, who’s counting when it gave me the chance to appreciate my Savior and the blessing of my daughter that much more.

Zzzzzzzzz.